心の奥で

[TW: Sexual Assault]

His lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. I shoved against his chest with all my strength, but he didn’t even seem to notice. His mouth was soft, despite the anger, his lips molding to mine in a warm, unfamiliar way.

I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth.

Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn’t fight, didn’t feel… just waited for him to stop.

—

Twilight: Eclipse p. 331 (Bella and Jacob’s first kiss)

This is rape culture.

Young women are taught to think of this passage - which describes sexual assault - as erotic. Young men are taught to force their will on young women, regardless of any (non)verbal cues, because sex is conquest and women are objects - not something to be done between two consenting individuals because it’s pleasurable for both people.
The most frightening thing about this excerpt is that many survivors of sexual assault who have disclosed to me describe stories that sound exactly like this one.

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Vomiting everywhere

(via arilyn-anson Well shit, i didn’t know it was this bad. Wow. (via fuckthacistem)

The lines before that:

    He still had my chin—his fingers holding too tight, till it hurt—and I saw the resolve form abruptly in his eyes.
    “N—-” I started to object, but it was too late.

And after he assaulted her she punched him in the face but due to his “super human strength” she broke her hand, said “Don’t touch me!” and then:

    “Just let me drive you home,” Jacob insisted. Unbelievably, he had the nerve to wrap his arm around my waist.

    I jerked away from him.

And then:

    When he got in the driver’s side, he was whistling.

AND THEN while he was driving:

    “…There is so much I can give you that he can’t. I’ll bet he couldn’t even kiss you like that—-because he would hurt you. I would never, never hurt you, Bella.”

    I held up my injured hand.

    He sighed. “That wasn’t my fault. You should have known better.”

And then:

    He grinned over at me. “You kissed me back.”

    I gasped, unthinkingly balling my hands up into fists again, hissing when my broken hand reacted.

    “Are you okay?” he asked. 

     “I did not.”

    “I think I can tell the difference.”

    “Obviously you can’t——that was not kissing back, that was trying to get you the hell off me, you idiot.”

    He laughed a low, throaty laugh. “Touchy. Almost overly defensive, I would say.

    I took a deep breath. There was no point in arguing with him; he would twist anything I said.

Then when she gets home, to where her father, Charlie, the police officer, is:

    “Why did she hit you?”

    “Because I kissed her,” Jacob said, unashamed.

    “Good for you, kid,” Charlie congratulated him.

(via wejustkeepswimming)

I didn’t read the citation first. I read the quote. I thought I was reading a woman’s account of how she was about to be raped, not a fucking passage from a romance novel. 

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